What I have done wrong?

I call only think of this place to really express myself now.

The feeling of left out in a group gang is back & I really hate this feeling.

I kept telling myself today aiya, she only ajak two of them.. dont feel bad. friendship & interest cant be forced just like relationship. as I kept 'lying' myself that I am feeling okay, there she goes tagging and thanking everyone else except.

What's going on?

I am not even notified.

And I am none of them really notice my absence...

This happened during the M lapan belas showcase & I tried to act cool to laugh over it. I was hurt.

I acted like I am not..

and today evening, 'I have no friend' thought crossed my mind. maybe all these while I like keeping myself occupied so I dont have time to think of negative things.

Who understands me?

Recovered Not

I thought I did.

I still care.

I am still bothered by it.

This sucks.

No one will understand this fully.

Why this timing?

I have better things waiting for me to do.

This is the place where I pour out my inner thoughts that I don't know how and who to share with.

Needed to express.

Please act like you didnt read this if any of you come across this.

Work Distraction

Currently occupied.

mind has less time to wonder now.

work and new friends keep me occupied

:) that's a good thing for me.

Photograph & Hello

Hello...

I lost a gem

A lifetime regret.

Better not

wanna express wanna say but can't

dnt know who can I say to. dnt know how should I say it.

better not.

am I doing it right, SL?

I don't know what to do

are they waiting for me to get everyone together?

they want to meet up.

but I don't know what to do.

I want but I cant.

she voiced out. he voiced out.

they voiced out.

I saw it.. I felt it but I cant and dont know how to react towards it.

sorry guys.

im only getting the girls together.

Music Run 2015, Sepang Circuit

Honestly speaking I wasn't anticipate much or excited of this event because it wasn't a run. It is more like a Music Walk. Since Yvonne cant make it and passed on her bib to me, I thought joining this wouldn't hurt me.

We started off Kajang and then head to Dengkil for lunch.

I expected wayyyy more for the dong po rou in Dengkil Seafood Restaurant. 

Anyhow other dishes were quite nice.

Then, we went to Mitsui ! I gotta say thanks for the girls that willing to go according to my plan. And I managed to buy a pair of Nike shoes :D Happyyy

After shopppingg, time to head to Sepang International Circuit.

and there goes our pic time!

Somehow elaine, ming hui and I actually ran slow pace in the beginning and it got me really touched and excited. It gave me the feeling of 'marathon' since i didnt manage to run for SCR. Plus, there are actually people in front of me running. This run is soooooooooooooo muchhhh better than Colour Run!! Although we didnt run far, but I was really happy and grateful to have this short run with the two girls. :D

Meeting Pei Wen @ Pop Station

It was really fun to try this

and we are done!

Really thanks to Yvonne and Elaine for allowing me to be part of this! I clearly enjoyed my day. :DDDDD

Canopy Walk with Puchong Gang

Midnight Express Delivery

A exciting fun experience with Jessy!

Somehow we end up in the same group which we aren't suppose to be.

The excited kids after obtaining the iphone 6s plus ! ;D

pose before giving it to the real owner hahaa

before we head to our customer's house

and there you go, Ms Jocelyn who was excited to see our presence at her doorstep!

Thanks Maxis for the exprience!; )

SCR

they dont understand why I insisted wanting to go in the haze...

and why am I so freaking excited for tmr.

I dnt want to explain to them personally.

SCRKL 2015 is a significant event of my life which transformed me in a way I did not expect. It started with him then registered for SCR suddenly then PC forcing herself to jog then forcing herself to be discipline then forcing herself to stay focus on achieving what she wants.

Im really really sad right now.

my first serious marathon that I really looking forward for is now cancelled. 

I need to Calm Down

Met so many that can speak so well these days.

and I noticed that when I get the chance to speak, I will rush my words or I will get stuck :(

I need to improve on this.

The real reason of joining marathon

dont know whether  you know, ambiga wasnt the reason that I joined marathon.

It was you.

I hid it from you.

and thanks to you, I made the choice of joining and forced to train for it.

Now, Im getting into marathons because of my own achievement and pleasant.

I hope Im not disturbing you.

I am just bad

I have so many bad thoughts in me.

reminds me of SL's '' is the thoughts and your intention.''

I clearly know I have bad thoughts now.

I still unable to control them properly.

Horrible feeling.

Have you forgive me?

I cant forgive myself

T T

Haps these days

Being occupied at the right time. Less time for my brain to wonder around.

Time passes faster when I am busy.

My New Batchmates

another new chapter of my life begins with them :))

our first photo together on Day 1

@Plaza Sentral after a group discussion

@ KLCC Maxis Centre with Priscilla

Our first private lunch alone LOL

The-running-around-Menara-Day

The uni feel is back

with Different people now but joining the programme kinda bring me back to uni life!

The life that I missed.

Right Choice!

Sept has been great for me!

With the end of AJ2015 and the start of my 'work'

I really think I did made the right choice to join the programme.

Meeting lotsa great and awesome people each day.

I kinda found a hiking/marathon/healthy buddy, Ms Leyla!

Let the healthy lifestyle continues ;D

我现在 lol 不出来

做人很辛苦。

我懒得写刚才在家里发生的drama. 明明没有事，可是他们两个老的那么担心。

我的错？

我很累

解释不解释我都累。

和你们讲， 你们又不明白。

我不想浪费口水对牛弹琴。

可能我真的该解释好点。

请你们信任你们的女儿好吗？

我自己已经很被自己的无能而被挫折。你们可不可以不要让我觉得我更更更无能。

现在，我冷静一点点了。我知道你们爱我和担心我。

请你们相信我，好不好。

T T

强逼不来

我好想比较明白。。有些事人家没有jio我，我就不要自己在房emo.

有一些聚会，自己明知人家不把你放在心里，被jio了还是飞去不可。可每当我出席这一类型的聚会，我都会感到寂寞。明明就不是和他们很friend，我还是要stick过去，把自己搞得辛苦和可怜。

以前，我非常纠结为何他们不约我。现在，我宁愿不被他们约出来。

不是就不是啊。

我希望我此刻心情不是在骗自己。

此刻，我的心情没有被打扰到 :)