Pointless presentation

Last Wednesday, I was anticipating for the long awaited Academic English presentation. We were asked to choose any topic for essay writing. I took this chance to choose 'abortion' as my group topic because till now I can't deny the fact that my English high school teacher left a deep effect on me when she showed the class a video about the truth of abortion and taught us the importance of it not to take this lightly. Truly inspiring.

Ms Mag : '' I showed you this (video) , not knowing how many people will really get it but at least I will influence one person which is equivalent saving to a baby's life. ''

That's why I wanted to do the same thing. I maybe not as influential as my  teacher, but I am trying to make a difference to bring awareness to my classmates.

We were only asked to stand up to present our points to class but I asked lecturer for permission to let me show Powerpoint slides together with a video. This act of mine would be Extra to others but I ain't doing it for marks. I'm doing it because I thought I have to.

Some of my group members thought I was insane for doing extra works although not required to, but I am willing to do it all by myself. It won't take long, sacrificing a bit time for this is definitely worth it.

The day before the presentation, I purposely saved the video into a few types files to prevent any 'accidents'.

An hour before showtime, I checked at the computer laboratory to double confirm  As I thought, things didn't work out for me. Praying and comforting myself that the computer is old and lousy so it can't sense my video so I went to borrow my friends' laptops for further checking. Yup, you got it right. My video can't be read by either of the laptops. In my head,'' Gone Case.''

Nobody can really how understand why am I so stubborn over a no mark video presentation. That't because I really really really want to take that opportunity to tell the rest. The act of abortion shouldn't be a way to control birth. Some cases are exceptional but generally I never and won't agree this act especially youngsters that have sex without considering the consequences.

One of my friends told me in order to play the video, I must actually save the video file inside the pendrive. How noob can I get? I didn't know that. Yes, I am real dumb. I wanted to rush home badly but knowing that I would rush late for class, it stopped me. Clueless, alone hanging in the reading room, thinking about thinking.

As time passed, I really couldn't stop blaming myself for not saving the file and tears started to drop. I wanted it to be shown sooooooo badly. Without the video, it defeats the main purpose why I choose this topic. What't the point then??

Another friend of mine came in and saw me sitting in the corner, wondering why am I so down and not doing my work. I told him everything and he tried comforting me that marks not given so no big deal. I know marks not given in the very beginning but still.... He doesn't understand why am I so bullheaded. I got tried explaining to him.

Minutes before, my other 2 friends came in and took my pendrive, hoping for a miracle. They were of course trying to help me, giving me solutions but I was despairing. Anyway thanks guys for willing to listen to me crap and fight for stupid things.

And you know what? Things were so chaotic that time and my friends deleted my powerpoint! I let out a scream. My heart scattered but not as much as when I know I couldn't show the video. I was smiling bitterly and in deep shock.

My friend felt so guilty but I kept telling her that is alright. The powerpoint doesn't really matter anymore. Pointless without the video.

But luckily we managed to retrieve my powerpoint and went in lecture class to present. Another joke of the day, we were the first group. Lecturer was telling us that can't show any powerpoint. I was like, '' What the heck?!'' Too many shock a day, my heart can't take it. Then, she told me alright, we can keep on with the powerpoint, felt relieved. Lecturer, please don't play this kind of joke to me anymore. It is not funny.

On my way back home, I was still feeling down and started tearing in my car. Am I overreacting and bit too emotional ?? I think I am...

1 week down 13 more to go

Things are going to end real fast during my first semester... I have already been going for university for a week?? gosh, fast fast fast! anyway, I strongly things will only turn from good to better for me.

Overview:

Financial Accounting > Brought back Form 5 memories since the first topic is basically the same, just that is no longer in BM.

Basic English > Thanks to this subject, I finally realize English isn't as simple as I thought. Felt great learning more about it and I am ready to improve my English.

Critical Thinking > I was told that this subject is boring but I find it Quite interesting in the sense that they are teaching us how think effectively using our brains which is essential for everyone to know in order to achieve success :D

Principles of Economic > Luckily Economics didn't put me to sleep as I am going to major this for my degree. Somehow I think it is quite interesting too, knowing how people make decisions towards things and how's economy like.

General Mathematics > As for this subject, I am a bit worried but I am sure I could master this real fast. '' If there's a will, there's a way. '' & ''Practice makes perfect'' Go Go Go! XD

Anyway I should really start to approach more people and make more friends :D

BABY SOUP?!

yesterday I went through videos in youtube and came across with baby soup! This can't be real. People are actually taking babies that aren't fully grown yet to boil soup for certain purposes. How on earth can they drink the soup after seeing a baby in it !?! Our own kindd.... apparently baby= chicken to them. An ordinary sight for those people. Knowing about fact that parents are selling their own babies to restaurant to be cooked because they didn't want their babies? This is crazyy!!

View Video 

A more detailed writing on this here:
http://www.thecontroversialfiles.net/2013/07/chinese-eat-baby-soup-for-sex.html

the start of my nightmares

Not to mention that I failed twice in my driving test.

First and second time I went to the center without mastering the right driving skill yet cause my instructor doesn't bother whether I fail a not. Best part is if I failed, I have to keep paying to retake so I am pretty sure my instructor was having fun collecting money.

When I failed my second test, I sat down the car and couldn't stop my tears from dropping. Pressure due to my elder brothers that managed to pass at the first time and I failed TWICE? I just couldn't imagine how are my parents going to react so I planned not to tell my family members especially my parents and my brothers.

Right after I reached home, I told my sister that I failed cause she was the only one that knew I was going for the test for the second time. My guilt made me paid for myself for the second time. Anyhow I didn't manage to pass too.

Surprisingly during dining time, my dad remembered that I had a driving test so he asked me in front of everyone. I was stunned because I only told him once which is like 2 weeks ago?? Then, I confessed that I failed again. No one really said much but I felt super embarrassed and went up stage straight away, hid myself in the room and cried as if everyone was putting the blame on me. but I knew deep in my heart that my dad was disappointed.

Well, I guess it was a good thing that I told since I don't have to hide from anyone anymore. One day, my friend's mum dropped by and asked why I failed so many times when my mum was also there. My mum acted as if she didn't know, she was very shocked?? after sending my friend off, she went in the house and asked me did I really failed twice and why didn't tell her.. She was eating with us that day but she thought It was a normal lesson and wondering why am I so sad and went up immediately.

There she goes. scolding, nagging and correcting me... I didn't want to tell cause Im scared this would happen. My 'dream' came true. Through her scoldings, she made me felt such a failure and said that :'' You think we are very rich? fail so many times. You don't know the value of money. Wait till you work in the future. '' I know it that's why I used my own money without telling them because I wanted to surprise them when I passed. I told her I was very nervous as I felt more tensed up each time failing then there she went on and on showing me that face. Overall I have to say that she really made me felt horrible.

That night itself I cried for hours till I was finally able to sleep. My eyes swore. I dreamt of my mum scolding me a few nights and woke up in tears. I calm myself by telling myself is okay to fail because I will pass one day.

Finally, my third driving test arrived. Sitting at the waiting shelter, I felt anxious again. The same place that I failed. At first, I was very very tensed up. Thinking how if I failed again?! Then I saw the JPJ failing drivers at the slope right after their cars moved backwards for 1mm. That's how I failed my second time for balancing the pedals 'well'. Before my third test, My dad really wanted to bribe them so I don't have to waste my time anymore but I didn't want too because it is so costly and I want to do it with my own ability since my friend able to. I am sure I could too. Seeing drivers going up the slope and failing one by one gave me a familiar feeling.

I have to say that thank to the corrupted JPJ system that passed 3 persons that dropped backwards so obvious yet he acted as if he didn't see. My confident gained back and thought :'' although I fail, I must fail with pride'' My anger overtook my nervous feeling. How can they do that?? This is just not right.

A girl who has the same instructor as me, she failed her road test. The JPJ tester told her that her reason of failing because her car wasn't left enough. The thing is this girl didn't even managed to drive out to the road and was forced to stop. getting 6 out of 20 marks. Is this how you guys earn money?? I know you guys want to earn fast money but this isn't the right way plus who told you guys that our parents are super rich? ''Terimalah padah pada masa depan''. Forcing everyone to BRIBE you guys. YOU MADE ME FELT THAT YOU GUYS ARE RETARDED!

Luckily that was my last time going back to the test center, I smiled non-stop knowing that I passed and told most of them about this good new!

After driving for a week, I just realized that my real nightmares just begin. Driving on a road meeting different kind of inconsiderate drivers kills my brain cells. Being able to drive on the road seems to be a cool thing but not when you are involved in car accidents.

Tell me WHY do you horn A new driver when she is trying hard and practicing on the road?? Can't you guys be more considerate? At times, I was forced to drive faster because the cars at the back are pressuring me indirectly with their speed.

Yesterday I almost met in a car accident thanks to an uncle! Anyway I am safe now and will be extra cautious next time....

偶像

现在我渐渐觉得追星越来越没意义。。

如果不是因已认识的朋友还在，我应该不怎么要追星。

我承认是很浪费钱和时间，但我很享受追星的过程。

看着房里的专辑和杂志，我真想把他们没掉。。有那些钱去看真人，比买专辑好。所以我不是好粉丝。

有时候我觉得艺人很假，很伪装。。为了在观众的面前有很好的影象， 就伪装自己。

但我追星的日子，陪伴了我很久。我在想，如果他来的话，我还会不会像以前那么疯狂？尤其当我知道妈妈经济状况不是很好，让我对追星更冷淡。。很后悔以前的我如此的奢侈。

没什么会比课业更重要。再一个星期， 我就要去大学了。。。我会把课业放在第一，后决定往后的追星日子。

Enough of resting doing nuts. I will get myself prepared so that my parents will be proud of me. Don't want them to feel that I am the only burden at home. I can be very outstanding too.

Why bother working so hard

I came across to think something really went wrong in this world. Despite of the natural disasters that occurred that took away many lives, humans are killing their own kinds because of their own benefits ?! We are all given a brain to think and work together to make this world a better place. Those people are abusing and torturing people by using their authority.

During the day out with my friends, I was discussing this topic with them. One of my friends said that those people aren't literally wrong because they are not educated. ''This is survival just like tiger killing a deer''. After getting mad and thinking over what she said, I guess this may be one of the reasons that bad guys are committing crimes cause they want a better life. Well, okay.. I am trying to digest this theory. No matter what I really really couldn't agree with their acts so is right to kill your friend's father or mother just because doing that benefits you?? Is that so?? To me, they are heartless and self-centered.

The problem with people nowadays is that they aren't considerate!! Losing love ones is something miserable and painful. They aren't just killing them by torturing them slowly to achieve their targets? I am really wondering will time change their the ways they think? This world is DARK! where's Justice?? I know this world is never fair but but but... what bout the victims?? and also their families?

I can't stand seeing injustice. If I was asked to associate with those idiots, life is meaningless. Tears dropped each time I read articles regarding to this topic and I felt horrible for not doing anything for them. Unfortunately, I don't know where to start off with. I am wondering is this the challenge God gave us to overcome it? Can I know what the victims did wrong till they have to suffer through all these? I am not being emotional and angry without a reason. If only everyone has ''HEART'' and care about people's feelings, then how on earth will injustice ever occurred??

To the idiots, I believe in karma.

To the victims, Couldn't do anything since I am far away from you guys but I hope you guys can feel the strength and stay strong in life..

Quotes that I found them meaningful. 

Where is the justice of political power if it executes the murderer and jails the plunderer, and then itself marches upon neighboring lands, killing thousands and pillaging the very hills? Khalil Gibran

Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe. Frederick Douglass

Social justice cannot be attained by violence. Violence kills what it intends to create.
Pope John Paul II

The only genuine elite is the elite of those men and women who gave their lives to justice and charity. Sargent Shriver

Communism is the corruption of a dream of justice. Adlai E. Stevenson

I am confident that, in the end, common sense and justice will prevail. I'm an optimist, brought up on the belief that if you wait to the end of the story, you get to see the good people live happily ever after. Cat Stevens

Where there are too many policemen, there is no liberty. Where there are too many soldiers, there is no peace. Where there are too many lawyers, there is no justice. Lin Yutang

有感而发？

我在想我们都得经历过某些事情，才会变得更加珍惜和谨慎，但往往都后悔莫及。昨天，我差一点就发生车祸。

Thank god I managed to stop on time, if not I just can't imagine the consequences. Driving a car is really something to be cautious about at all times. I know I wasn't wrong but everyone makes mistakes so I don't blame that car driver. Anyhow my heart kept pounding till now. I am a new driver that just got my license, but no matter how long is your experience on the road, there are still very high possibilities that you may occur in a car accidents although you are cautious. Many of the drivers tend to think that they master their driving skills and able to avoid accidents from happening as they think they are fast enough. This is Wrong! Who said so?? Everyone can just get knocked out of nowhere. No matter is from the back, left, right or even the front. That's why I think all these depends on our luck too.

Once I heard this from an artist that met in a car accident, his friend visited him in the hospital. He was in quite a serious backbone injuries but the first thing he did when he saw his friend is to tell him : Please Wear Seat belts! No one actually bother what's going on around them until it is too late for them to do something?? This is the nature of human beings. They won't change until they are Forced to. For example, recently we were told that world end will be in the year of 2012. Although I don't know how true may this be? or maybe the movie producer just trying to create the awareness around the world. In my opinions, I Can't predict when's the world going to end but I am sure the world is going to end soon if everyone just doesn't bother to protect mother nature?? Must we all wait till the natural disasters devastate our homes and our love ones?? Humans are just too ignorant!! I can't deny the fact that I am not doing much to care for our environment but at least I am trying to do something about it. It is useless is 10-20% population of the world is trying to keep things right, but 85% of them are unconcerned.

Last time when I was holding a small post in Leo, I thought of all kinds of great things I could do to save mother nature starting from the school. Things were not as easy as I thought. Even my friends, I have to spend quite sometime to get them to give me papers that are unwanted. In return, they always think it was some kind of joke. I knew they didn't want to recycle so I just collect them all in my class. Doing this alone is not easy. Putting boxes around the classes for unwanted papers is a waste of efforts too. Students tend to overlook the actual purpose of the box and throw socks and tissues into it. Not only them, I even have tough time persuading and getting my family members in the ' go green' actions. Is really hard to get someone to change their usual habits towards certain things. I was known as the rubbish collector to keep those papers at home after collecting from my friends. Sometimes I really feel down because I want to do something good but no one is supporting.

Unfortunately this is the fact of life that I can't change but I will try...

佛

今天在百度看了有关佛的文章。

佛就是“觉者”，“一个觉悟的人”。

学佛的人不能不知道。‘佛教’是佛陀的教育

佛的慧语　　（我本身比较喜欢的）

◆改变别人，不如先改变自己。 　　
◆拥有财富的人，不如拥有智慧的人。 　　
◆人很奇怪，不了解自己，却又每天想去干涉别人，弄得痛苦不堪。 　　
◆人之所以痛苦，在于追求错误的东西。 　　
◆有人的地方，就会有是非，把它看作很正常，你就不会难过，因为是——人嘛！ 　　
◆犯错是平凡的，原谅才能超凡。 　　
◆伤人之语，如水覆地，难以挽回。 　　
◆不能把握现在，就无法获得永恒。 　　
◆遇到困难时不害怕，心中无事，是名真修。 　　
◆算命不如认命。 　　
◆恨别人，痛苦的却是自己。 　　
◆律己要严，待人要宽。 　　
◆怀着一颗感恩的心，忘记别人的缺点吧！ 　　
◆征服世界，并不伟大，一个人能征服自己，才是世界上最伟大的人。 　　
◆平凡之人追求不平凡，智者则甘于平凡，却享受平凡。 　　 　　
◆有志气的人发一次愿，终身坚持。没志气的人天天发愿，浮而不实。 　　　
◆彻底的认识你自己，你就会认识佛。 　　
◆因小果大，莫以恶小而为之，莫以善小而不为。 　　
◆真正的布施，是把烦恼、忧虑、分别、执著，通通放下。 　　
◆扫地扫地扫心地，心地不扫空扫地。 　　
◆各有因缘莫羡人。 　　
◆肯低头的人，永远不会撞到矮门。 　　
◆烦恼比岁月更易催人颜老。 　　
◆常常使别人过快乐日子的人，自己也必定很快乐。 　　
◆量大福大。 　　　
◆填得饱你的肚子，却填不满人心贪念。
◆过去，已成过去，它只是记忆的残影。 　　
◆世界上的每一个人都在追求快乐，但却没有人真正了解什么是快乐。 　　
◆学悟的孩子不变坏，学悟的老人不痴呆，学悟的少年永不败。 　　
◆真正的看破是提起，积极地为大众服务。 　　
◆诚恳可以感动人，谦虚可以说服人。 　　
◆犯了过错，造了罪业，别人知不知道并不重要，最重要的是自己知道。 　　
◆善于保护自己的，永远谦虚谈话。 　　
◆赞叹别人，要在大庭广众；责备人，必须在私下。 　　
◆有智慧的人，从周围取乐，没有智慧的人，希望别人给予快乐。 　　
◆有生必有死，人应惧生，不应惧死。无生即无死，究竟解脱。 　　
◆忍人所不能忍，行人所不能行。 　　
◆作事不怕不成，只怕无恒。 　　
◆凡有追求，必定有烦恼。 　　
◆学悟，就是要你认识自己，找到永恒的生命。 　　
◆有了智慧，自然能了解真理，能了解真理，生活自然快乐。 　　
◆健康，是真正的财富，不要糟蹋它。 　　

佛教的教主——释迦牟尼，他来到人间的第一句话就说：“天上天下，唯我独尊。”这里要请读者们注意的是：“唯我独尊”的“我”字，并不是单指的释迦牟尼本身，而是指的全体人类的每一个人。这句话的正确解释应该是：人在宇宙中是顶天立地的，每一个人都是自己的主宰，决定着自己的命运，而不必听命于任何人或任何超乎人的神。

from > http://baike.baidu.com/view/4696.htmf

不要为了钱的事而吵好吗？

真心地希望你们可以不要再时不时吵架。

你，我知道你一个人撑得很辛苦。我何况不是看的很痛心呢？辛苦你了，一直付出和牺牲。

你，我不知道你的脑袋在想什么？你为何每次无缘无故地骂她和发她脾气？身为一个男人，真可耻。你让我对天下的男人没有信心。婚姻没有长久的吗？我已慢慢的说服我自己不要讨厌你。也请你不要再让我找到理由不喜欢你啊！



不想再写了，因为我不想讨厌你。。。

I am really growing up

oh well, time passes fast. here I am, after my spm basically doing nothing at home.

Seeing my friends off to college and knowing what they want makes me anxious. Till now I have no idea what I want. ''Choose something you like and passionate about!'' Recently I kept doing research to find about my future course and career.

I typed ''how do I know what course is suitable for me'' or something like that. A fellow that had the same question on his or her mind wrote that and someone commented. Saying that is funny to ask Other people what is suitable for ourselves. ''NO one knows better than yourself.'' By then, I knew no one can tell me exactly what I wanted. When am I going to get the answers?? February now and the spm results will be out in March. I don't even know I will be able to collect the results myself a not due to a vacation trip.

Really hate the feeling of being lost. I admire those that have a dream since young and always planning what's best for their future. I am quite aimless now. This is the most important decision of my life yet I can spend time online and doing nothing. No wonder I am such a failure. Many websites offered career tests to give people like me guidance but after doing the tests, they want us to make payment.

Last night, my mum told me that I can only hang around not deciding on anything for another month. Well, not like I don't want to decide. Just that I can't Decide! by the way I don't want to simply make a decision too. Luckily I know clearly what I dislike, cutting down the other possibilities. Just considering the courses offered in business field is causing me migraine.

Even my sister is worrying for me. I always take things too lightly making it difficult for myself to decide now. During my high school life, I wasn't into my studies. Knowing the fact that the first term and the second term examinations will not affect my following year's class placing. I couldn't be bothered. Now I can feel it. Humans are funny. Don't you think so? They will only regret once they lost something and could n't get back in time. Sadly I am one of them.

A few days before my Spm ends, I thought I wouldn't be lazy anymore but ended up I wasted another precious month. Is there any medicine that can cure my illness? Here I am lost in the middle of the sea....

环保 『地球有难！』

我本身还算是个环保小兵,要在家里环保真的不容易～ 他们都觉得我在收垃圾。 可怜～所谓醉翁之意不在酒 在乎山水之间也。妹妹在乎的是卖报纸会得到多少钱。要在一个家人不支持的环境下环保还真的有点难度呢～

在星洲日报看到的一篇文章。

【 如有人类再不重视环保，再不控制二氧化碳的排放量， 那么到了被世纪末，地球将会增温1.4度至6.4度，届时将会毁灭性的改变人类的未来】


～读到那里，我觉得他们写得有点夸张。不太可能吧？增温有那么严重吗？～


【 为了让所有人理解什么叫做全球暖化？以及地球没增温一度会为人类带来什么灾难？美国国家地理频道特别播一集名为 ‘ 改变世界的6度 ’ 之影片。片中说明，当全球均温上升一度时，美国西部将面临严重干旱，大部分的地区会变成沙漠。

当地球升温2度时，格兰凌的冰层快速融化，届时海平面上7公尺，一些沿海城市，包括纽约，伦敦，曼谷，上海甚至台北等，都将全被淹没。

当地球升温3度，过了这个临界点，人类将无能为力，届时巴黎的夏季被热浪袭击会成为常态，夏天的北极圈也没有了冰雪， 亚马逊雨林会逐渐枯萎，甚至因为干旱而发生雨林火灾。

当地球升温4度时，埃及，威尼斯被海水淹没，世界几条最大的河流可能干凅，因而危机及千万世界数亿人的生存。

当地球升温5度时，南北半球温带地区全部不适合人住，孟买，开罗等城市的水源将会枯竭，届时全世界的难民人数无以估计。

当时地球升温6度时，许多大城市会被严入海底，届时天灾成为常态。当这一天来临时，应该就是所谓的‘ 世界末日 ’ ，人类空将步上恐龙帝国灭亡的后尘，从此人类文明不服存。】


～吓到我了！我不要～～～～～～


*本文摘录自星云大师在国际佛光世界会员大会主题演说*

Guilt

I am searching for my guilt.
A person could do everything that is out of his mind if he doesn't feel guilty.
Therefore, I really wish that my guilt will always remain with me till the very end...

''Saya tak hiraran melihat orang membuat salah tetapi saya hairan orang yang tidak tahu malu langsung.''