Dangerous

Oh my,

Okay, stay calm.

Don't make it become my nightmare.

You okay o not???
Weird betul. Selalu like thatttt..
- _________ -

Assignments

Pengajian Malaysia
Moral
Research Method
GBS

The assignments for these 4 subjects are just breath-taking in a not so nice way. Shoulders tensed up.Time to get things done. Can't wait to submit all these in and say bye bye to them!

Don't Get It

What's your motive?

Either you are seriously noob until you cant feel the dislikes from the rest or you know but you just don't care. That shouldn't be the case. But if you know, why the heck do you keep doing things that make people pissed off? There is a limit. Don't always complain when things go wrong. Find time to think man. I used to blame others when things may not work out till I realised the problems may be caused by me. My own being. That's when you think... you think whether are you doing the right thing... or maybe it isn't your fault then think of a way to make things better. Why trying to make things ugly right?

I don't really think you are a bad fellow. I am trying to understand but... you are making things tough for me. My brain tells me to pay close attention while talking to you. I don't know how to help you. I seriously don't know.

Emotional Intelligence at Work Place

EI classes gives me mix emotions every single time.  

• Our intention towards helping people
• A variation of emotions 
• How to manage our own emotions

Those videos and stories that she mentioned in class always make me really upset. Upset over humanity. Well, I am not trying to be grey here. Some stories are just too depressing.  Everyone has different emotions and reactions towards a situation so I don't expect people to feel as I feel. However, at least as a human being, please play a minimal role and contribute a little to whichever. I really wonder if I will provide genuine help to a random stranger as a good Samaritan. 

When the time comes, I will know.

Dream House and Marshmallow Test

I wasn't expecting 2 really good videos in a day that I really enjoyed a lot! 

Economic Development

I am sure there are peeps out there that are being laughed for having their 'own thoughts' which may not sound cool to the rest. His teacher thought he misunderstood the definition of a true dream house. It may not win in terms of size or designs but his little actions of wanting to keep his cozy little house touched me. I was deeply moved and saddened at the same time. Mr Har's so called funny video didn't manage to cheer me up right after showing this.

Emotional Intelligence at Workplace 

A freakingggg cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee video! I love the kid that managed to hold on and waited for the second marshyyyymallowwww! Totally made my day. J.F and I were like aaaa so cute aaaaaaaaaaaa the whole way! :DDDD Cutie Pies everywhere.

To calm myself down

credit to Beautiful Planet Earth Facebook

Beh Song

The way you are made me felt regretful for bothering taking up the post. Like helloo, I have no obligations to step in. But thanks one thing I gotta thank you is giving me Jayden, Synyin and Michelle. Without them, I will be really stressed out and pissed off. Never so pek cek in a degree event - -'' YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LISTEN AND DISCUSS AS A GROUP. WE GO BY A TEAM. 

I BEH SONG Damn alot of times! I just suck it in. Oh gosh...

Yesterday, I was really pissed. Like seriously, you cant be kidding me - -' Today, you made me even frustrated with all the sudden changes... THE ISSUE IS WHY YOU DONT BOTHER GOING THROUGH WHAT WE PLANNED. DONT BOTHER CHECKING WITH ME THE DAY BEFORE WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO UPDATE YOU. I know you are super spontaneous and couldnt be bothered, I didnt ask you to rehearse with me.

I really enjoyed emcee-ing at the front and meeting new faces. After you started changing and suddenly add here and there without informing all of us, I seriously have no mood. And there came the balloon bursting thingy which made me even more moodless. Really hate the sound. You see any emcee hiding in the corner and went to the toilet during event???? You should know I hated the sound. But since Jayden suggested the game and I think they will enjoy it, the show must go on.

I was really feeling very down after the event. Dont feel like talking or mixing much with them. Not hard to see whether my face black o not during the event. Luckily Jayden they all are always by my side. How emo can I be when I was in library... 

Please man. If you are gonna act this way next time, dont count me in for your events anymore. 

Goals to be achieved

Kinda free these days so most of the time I will be busy thinking when I'm not occupied.

Dont know whats up with me, I have tons of movies and series waiting for me yet I have no mood to start any of them. First, too many. Secondly, I feel like I have better things to do. Something that make me feel useful rather than sitting down whole day， although I still watch my all time favorite- 2 days 1 night. Not that I find the whole idea of watching series lame. As an ex-series addict here, I wasted so much time on series last time so just felt something's not right. BUT! somehow those dramatic tvb series that I watched last time taught here about life here and there.

My sister's really shows me how to manage my time. Seeing her so determined achieving goals that she set for herself made me shameful. She and running, swimming, studies and all. Used to remember how lame was her running. I used to able to beat her easily. I cant seem to get off my comfort zone. Getting used to the teases that whatever negative feedbacks, I am still the old me.

I wonder why am I so comfortable with whatever situation I am in. LOL. I decided to set some goals for myself since I am not quite fit now.

MOUNT KK AND VIPER CHALLENGE!






Now I cant even climb monkey bar :( I will one day.

**credit to the awesome photographer that snapped those pictures.

Attitudes that matter

If you ever make me frustrated, congrats to you.

One small minor event isn't good enough to make me hyper furious.

You just have to be more considerate you know, things don't just always evolve around you. There are more people out there that are affected by your actions. I think I was super angry that day cause the way you talked made me even angrier. First, if you find yourself at wrong, please bother explaining in a proper manner and think. This isn't the first time. If you want to misunderstand me as a calculative person, then go ahead. I just don't get how some people can be so irresponsible and inconsiderate.

Problem is the way you talk. That's it...

Luckily the others tried to stop me from scolding you, I really wanted to badly. The next time this kind of stuff occurs again, you better prepared to see my face turns black. I dont bother whether you are afraid of me or whatever crap, maybe you dont even know you are wrong at the first place. Im not gonna be like the rest, pamper you and let you go next time. You better be thankful that someone is willing to waste their energy to correct youuu.

You gotta know what you gotta know man.

Send Offs

September 17, 2013

Decided to head to airport because I know Jian Nee always puts family, friends and her dogs at the top list more than anything else. The previous time when Sabrina went back to US again, she was too reluctant to head home first and just wanna spend more time together. 

She's one friend of mine that we spent lotsa time together chatting back in high school. Someone who helps to solve friends' problem, one that will do whatever it takes to make her friends feel right and a crazy noisy soul that greet almost every possible human being that passes by her. No matter what new friends she has and all, she never forgets the people that were once part of her life. That's Ong Jian Nee. Glad to know that she got over the fact that she's flying to UK. 

On that day, her dad drove his family and I to the airport. Met her cheerful and sporty friends along the way, as crazy as her. Everyone was chatting away about random stuffs but I know that everyone was really sad, sad that the noisiest is longer with us.

"Fast, Fast  Go. We aren't going to miss you." 

" Peace now."

Her BAC , sunway friends and I were casually talking since she cant entertain all of us at once. The best part was she was like " All of them are not sending me off also. They are like flirting with each other." hahahahahhaaha Totally Jian Nee. I know you were joking. 

When it was about time for her to board, one the way to the gate, Kristal and Szok Wyhe were sobbing. Yee Lin was at the side and didn't talk much. I.. I.. didnt wanna look at them so I walked way in front. We had our photograph session in one of the shops. I felt the love from her friends, the love-hate relationship, the bond they had.

Szok Wyhe (JN's Horny crazy Twin) : Omg, I only know her for 2 years and I miss her that badly. You guys gonna miss her terribly.. *randomly asking us know her for how long* 

SW resembles JN a lot. I do not know her but she is one sweet soul. Wasnt close to anyone there beside JN and she was constantly ensuring I was somewhere near when I was trying to stay a distance.

The time has come. Most of the girls started tearing. Popo and her mother teared too. Jian Nee started walking very fast towards the gate cause she cant take it anymore. We stopped her and asked for a hug. Knowing her for 7 years, we didnt hug before and not like I hug friends often. I just wanted to give her a big hug that time.

Not quite worried for her cause she knows what she's doing. Just gonna miss you, noisy girl. Dont know whether can drop by UK, till the day we meet again. It wont take long. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

September 18, 2013

I was having a gloomy Tuesday Night after sending her off. I just hate how a bunch of her joker friends started to tear making me scared to send Chen Ling off cause I think CL's gonna be more dramatic than Jn's since Crystal and CL going be far apart.

Both of them have amazing bond. Although I know both of them only about 2 years, I always admire the friendship they have when I dont quite know them in Foundation. I know both of them had been crying their butt off when CL's parents decided to send her off to UK. I feel bad each time knowing them both of them feel horrible and randomly cry over the nights. Need a how-to-comfort-sad-soul course badly.

Lessons learnt:
1. Never get overly attached to anyone. The pain when one's heading someone far and cannot meet up that often anymore. 

2. Dont trust Sygic.

3. Nokia's Navigation (Y)

4. Pump full tank petrol. 

Anyway that day was reallyyyy dramatic!! Met up with Lok, Jared and Kar soon ( with his sport attire since crystal didnt allow him to be late so he didnt manage to take bath) hahahahhahahaaha Jared was asking whether the petrol would be enough and Lok was like aiyaa, enough for you to go and head back from KLIA. We started adventure using Kar Soon's Sygic (that made him met in an accident during their Penang Trip)  because Jared didnt manage to follow Yaoyao's car. On the way, we laughed and crapped. They did all the talking since I dont know them, I was just busy laughing. Three of them really joker. hahahahaha. Damn funnyyyyyyy 

Using KS's Sygic, we reached Dengkil and then it led us somewhere. Guess what? We drove to Nilai heading to JB's direction like wtheck?! LOL Best thing of all, after missing a junction or something, petrol showed low signal. All of us panic! In front of our eyes, we can only see endless highwayy. Ended up, we managed to find a petrol station thats 15-20 km away. That time, it was like an hour before CL was going to go on board. When we were kelam kabut finding for petrol station, CL messaged crystal! Lok was holding crystal's phone and saw it was a 'touching message'. He didnt dare to read it out. He passed the phone to Crystal. 

The message : '' Take Care F_ _ ker! '' and crystal started sobbing badly. Thought she couldnt make it for the airport and CL will blame her for that. CL thought crystal was that meannn and didnt even bother coming to airport. Of course not, CL. Lol

Kar soon was feeling horrible since his sygic caused all the drama, started busy taking tissues for her. A moment of silence till we reached the airport. It was seriously like the scene in those dramas. Rushing to see 'love one' and things always happen before that. Anyway we managed to reach there on time!!

CL was clearly shocked and was like '' ni men hen e xin de loooo'' hahahahaahaha pointing at us one by one for our sudden appearance. hahaha 

Crystal's tear memang non stop. LOl. CL was tryingg real hard to hold it. Both of them went like very awkward didnt wanna hug or see each other much which was really sad. 

Highlight of the day was when CL walked in to the boarding place, she looked back and saw us waving to us.. she didnt reply and continued walking and then looked back another time and continued walking. The expression on her face :'(((

Thanks to Lok, Kar Soon and Jared, crystal couldnt cry her way back cause three of them were busy making fun of the F_ _ker thingy. "I didnt know F _ _ ker can be so touching! I did not a friendship can be described with that'' " please allow me to call you that next time!" LOLOL Hahahahhahahaha hilarious to the max

Anyhow CL, crystal's gonna go visit you and we will wait for your return! You guys don't have to worry that your friendship will change, nothing can beat the times you two been through. 

If someone wants to be in your life, he or she will find a way to.

Immature You

This started from yesterday's buffet dinner. Didnt go because I was in Sabrina's house.
My dad and mother were charged at the senior citizen rate for the buffet. My brother started laughing. When he came home, told my sis that if I go, I would get the senior citizen rate too. Oh hello, I know I looked old but not till senior citizen. - -

Truthfully I really couldn't by your words and actions at times. I used to be freakingggggggggggg hurt and sad over what you said about me. Now that I learnt not to care anymore...

I used to not being the center of attraction. Yes, I know Im not adorable, not pretty and grumpy. Sometimes I do feel quite sad that no one really bother much when I was young back then, now that I realised Im unique in my own way and I dont have to please anyone. You can say whatever you want.

So you think is funny saying that I look old?
Yeah I know I dont dress up and I dont care about my appearance much.
I dont look like the age Im suppose to.

Even relatives, outsiders or friends will think that Im way more mature than the age Im suppose to be. Im like okayy, whichever I dont care:3

yesyes, Aunty Farah jokingly said that ' your sister looked like your mother . ' Back then, I was still in high school??

Aunty Farah, I dont know you well and you dont know me well.. I dont think you know how long he used that to tease me saying that Im old. I was really disturbed back then. As for my beloved brother, I know is funny for ya, not for me. You are really a pain for me when I was in high school. Since you were so popular in school back then, I was this ugly unknown little girl that has no achievement, I became quite quiet and dont socialize that well. I really hate it to have you around in school. Your friends will stare at me and whispering commenting about me. I really really really hated it.

I wasnt confident at myself that I dont voice out last time, I dont talk much last time. And yes, you are part of the reasons.

I dont like the way you talk and how you think you are so great about yourself. I dont know how ah foong can stand you. But of course I dont hate you cause you are always like that.

Nowadays, I hear comments like peeps saying that Im older than you... I smiled :D and you, laughing your way through.

If I want to hurt you with my words, I can do it easily. You have serious facial problems and I often hear peeps and even those innocent kids asking '' Korkor, why do you have so many holes in your face?'' I know you were sad about all those. I didnt use that to attack you despite your words to me. I know you cared alot. So what now? You think you are funny?? No, you arent.

Stop finding fault with peeps around you. I dont know which day I will explode and you better be careful. As for my case, Im used to it. Please control your mouth and dont argue with mummy. I rather you say me ugly fat and yongsui then you two quarrel for no reasons.

You need to learn how to talk nicely to your mum. Whatever she does, she is still your mum
 :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

A Fun Game

A day to remember! Haha can't and won't write the whole story, just wanna roughly jot down here.

It will always remain between 3 of us. I dont know how will I agree to all these in the very beginning but still...I normally wont bother doing stuffs like this. Mixed feeling while playing. Partially worried yet having lots of fun laughing out loud. Since everything's revealed and 'mystery' solved now, I'm proud to be part of this evil act. hahahaha. No big deal  :p

Sorry again to someone, hahahahhahahaha. please forgive us.

Kinda lame but worth remembering Lol

Stopping Me

I wonder the hassles kaka went through last time. Going against her parents, fighting alone for what she thinks was right that time.

Thankfully, my mum is always very supportive over the things I do no matter what it is. She loves seeing me happy and enjoyed over the things I did. I appreciate the freedom my mum gave me and hopefully I didnt abuse it. On the other side, my dad doesnt really say much. But, I know he disliked the whole idea of it when I was chasing stars.

Getting the support from my dad and mum to do the things I like is precious. Knowing that my mum gives me the permission to run free gives me the sense of responsibility not to do anything stupid or things that will disappoint them. I am always very proud to tell the others that my parents are on my side.

Nowadays, I travel around alot. It all started from some random sem break trips to Taiwan to never ending list. 

My brain is constantly...

' Where's next?' 'When's sem break?' 'What should I do to make my sem break pack?'

Even sometimes, I myself cant believe how the heck I always able to keep myself so damn busy. Planning this and that...Anyhow I love planning and researching about a place.

There's always a thing that tries to stop us down or hold us back somewhere somehow. My brother came up to me that day. Calling me not to travel so often since I have yet to enter the work force. Spending too excessively is not the right way to be. 

His words hit me deeply as if someone was hammering my heart. He doesn't realize the pleasant I gain from trips is priceless. Not that I only know how to play, I just like the whole idea of going out exploring places with a group of friends.

Not like he's calling me to stop completely, he is just telling me not to go too often. I reacted aggressively of course :(  If mum and papa can allow me to explore the world, why can he at least support me mentally??? I really didn't like the idea of him telling me all these. I know it by heart that I should control myself  at times. But the biggest problem with him is He himself doesn't want to listen to our advice. Smart, you are real smart. Manage yourself well first then I will listen to you better next time.

And there he goes again tonight. Saying the same thing to me again... When my mum was just casually saying that I'm getting very happening these days.. My mum knows that I'm upset and started saying things like '' Vacation is good, at least something to look forward after exams and all"
Thanks mummy :') Thanks for being understanding :')

Somehow I'm emotionally affected by his words.. I shouldn't be too bothered by his words.

Whose wrong? Not Me.

Normal human behavior: Not wanting to accept that they are wrong although sometimes they clearly are.

Just some random thoughts through the adults around me,

They tend to correct one and another not knowing they themselves do the same thing. 

Not right to say much about others, I myself the same.

I personally hate people correcting or pinpoint my mistakes. 

Although I know, but due to my ego, I just dislike admitting is my bad. 

When I have time alone, that's when I have deep thought thinking about thinking.

Everyone thinks he or she is always right. That's when all the problem starts to come.

How la how? This is depressing.

If only everyone can cut down all those dramas...

Grass Cutter Incident

A grass cutter came and accidentally cut our so call 'grass' but actually they were flowers. Dad made a big fuss as he loves gardening so muchie since he spent so much time doing it everyday. He ran out quickly and started scolding the fellow.

And things gotten worse when my mum decided to join the scolding session. Oh my headache, you don't have to scold people till like that you know. Not like the flowers will grow back right after the scoldings, you just want them to not cut next time then make sure they get that message. It is a pain listening them scolding some random cutters on a Saturday morning.

To the cutter,
My parents are just overly angry. Please forgive them and do open your eyes wide while doing your work.

To my beloved mum,
Dont add oil towards the fire. Even Papa gottta calm you down despite his dearest flowers were gone.

PEACE

Pink Evening

I admire purple pinkish skies! So happen to see pink sky outside my house last 2 days <3

 Pinky in the house

When Pink and Blue meet

The calm outlook of a random evening

Slowly it turned a bit purple-ish

Me : Mi! See the sky! so pretttyyyyyy.

Mum: Always see sky? So free to admire ?

Me:  - -'

It gives me a peaceful mind while admiring all these. 

Our Earth is a piece of art.

Happy and Sad

Wanting to write a post since I'm having sem break now.

Today! I'm really happy. Results out and I got 3.7778 average CGPA of 3.72! I'm proud of myself for actually doing real fine. no more the last minute pc that used to be freaking stressed up due to the last minute revision. Well, I still have headaches on and off due to high expectations of my results. Really stressful at times.

In the evening, I was planning to take an hour nap to rest my brain. After seeing a friend of mine updating his status saying results' out! I ran downstairs in the speed of light! shivering while the computer was turning on, I was actually really scared to see the figures. Cause I did studied for my exams, didnt try super duper hard but I definitely changed a lot as compared to last time. No more the excuses saying 'I worked and I studied but still can't achieve what I want'. I just realised a thing, I wasn't even working hard enough last time. Not even a bit! There I go, I'm glad I am on the right path now.

Back to the story, the moment I logged in the website and saw 3.7778! I was really really happy. Although initially i was hoping at least a 3.8 since I'm aiming for a scholarship, but we can't be too greedy. Didn't manage to get 3.8 but a 3.7778 is close enough. Enough to make me smile in front of the screen almost half the day like an idiot!

Not to forget, grats to my friend that got 4.0! I'm really happy for you! You are the man! :D I wonder whether will I able to get 4.0 next time but I will work for it. Doing some sort of calculations just now, to get at least 50% scholarship, I have to get at least a 3.88 next sem!! *I can do this. I can do this!*

Although I have been telling people that I will treat them a meal, asking them to pray hard for me to make this happens. However, there is one thing that I really sad about. A few of my friends didn't make it and they are deciding to enroll another college or university. 

To the guy, you thanked me for being your best friend for 6 months. what do you mean?? Do you know how hurt am I when I heard that. Firstly, our friendship doesn't just last for 6 months. When you said you cried, people think that you are joking but I know it is true. I don't know what can I do to make you feel better but our bet on our results. If only we started betting earlier so you have more time to beat my results. sigh.

To the girl, the problem with you is the same. I know you have been trying to solve those questions a week before but through my experience, achieving a good results with that is just not enough, my friend. You asked me to check the results for you cause you didn't dare to see for yourself. Right after checking mine, I went to see yours. Seeing the row of Fs, I didn't know how to tell you. You said you aren't coming back here to study sem 3 anymore and will pursue your study in Penang, my heart really ache for that moment.

Utar stressful? I don't really think so. There is not a college or university that has no stress. So the root of the problem is the way you think. Anyhow wish you the best of luck in your future. Hope you will do well.

Happy and Sad. This is how I ended my Tuesday.

Pointless presentation

Last Wednesday, I was anticipating for the long awaited Academic English presentation. We were asked to choose any topic for essay writing. I took this chance to choose 'abortion' as my group topic because till now I can't deny the fact that my English high school teacher left a deep effect on me when she showed the class a video about the truth of abortion and taught us the importance of it not to take this lightly. Truly inspiring.

Ms Mag : '' I showed you this (video) , not knowing how many people will really get it but at least I will influence one person which is equivalent saving to a baby's life. ''

That's why I wanted to do the same thing. I maybe not as influential as my  teacher, but I am trying to make a difference to bring awareness to my classmates.

We were only asked to stand up to present our points to class but I asked lecturer for permission to let me show Powerpoint slides together with a video. This act of mine would be Extra to others but I ain't doing it for marks. I'm doing it because I thought I have to.

Some of my group members thought I was insane for doing extra works although not required to, but I am willing to do it all by myself. It won't take long, sacrificing a bit time for this is definitely worth it.

The day before the presentation, I purposely saved the video into a few types files to prevent any 'accidents'.

An hour before showtime, I checked at the computer laboratory to double confirm  As I thought, things didn't work out for me. Praying and comforting myself that the computer is old and lousy so it can't sense my video so I went to borrow my friends' laptops for further checking. Yup, you got it right. My video can't be read by either of the laptops. In my head,'' Gone Case.''

Nobody can really how understand why am I so stubborn over a no mark video presentation. That't because I really really really want to take that opportunity to tell the rest. The act of abortion shouldn't be a way to control birth. Some cases are exceptional but generally I never and won't agree this act especially youngsters that have sex without considering the consequences.

One of my friends told me in order to play the video, I must actually save the video file inside the pendrive. How noob can I get? I didn't know that. Yes, I am real dumb. I wanted to rush home badly but knowing that I would rush late for class, it stopped me. Clueless, alone hanging in the reading room, thinking about thinking.

As time passed, I really couldn't stop blaming myself for not saving the file and tears started to drop. I wanted it to be shown sooooooo badly. Without the video, it defeats the main purpose why I choose this topic. What't the point then??

Another friend of mine came in and saw me sitting in the corner, wondering why am I so down and not doing my work. I told him everything and he tried comforting me that marks not given so no big deal. I know marks not given in the very beginning but still.... He doesn't understand why am I so bullheaded. I got tried explaining to him.

Minutes before, my other 2 friends came in and took my pendrive, hoping for a miracle. They were of course trying to help me, giving me solutions but I was despairing. Anyway thanks guys for willing to listen to me crap and fight for stupid things.

And you know what? Things were so chaotic that time and my friends deleted my powerpoint! I let out a scream. My heart scattered but not as much as when I know I couldn't show the video. I was smiling bitterly and in deep shock.

My friend felt so guilty but I kept telling her that is alright. The powerpoint doesn't really matter anymore. Pointless without the video.

But luckily we managed to retrieve my powerpoint and went in lecture class to present. Another joke of the day, we were the first group. Lecturer was telling us that can't show any powerpoint. I was like, '' What the heck?!'' Too many shock a day, my heart can't take it. Then, she told me alright, we can keep on with the powerpoint, felt relieved. Lecturer, please don't play this kind of joke to me anymore. It is not funny.

On my way back home, I was still feeling down and started tearing in my car. Am I overreacting and bit too emotional ?? I think I am...

1 week down 13 more to go

Things are going to end real fast during my first semester... I have already been going for university for a week?? gosh, fast fast fast! anyway, I strongly things will only turn from good to better for me.

Overview:

Financial Accounting > Brought back Form 5 memories since the first topic is basically the same, just that is no longer in BM.

Basic English > Thanks to this subject, I finally realize English isn't as simple as I thought. Felt great learning more about it and I am ready to improve my English.

Critical Thinking > I was told that this subject is boring but I find it Quite interesting in the sense that they are teaching us how think effectively using our brains which is essential for everyone to know in order to achieve success :D

Principles of Economic > Luckily Economics didn't put me to sleep as I am going to major this for my degree. Somehow I think it is quite interesting too, knowing how people make decisions towards things and how's economy like.

General Mathematics > As for this subject, I am a bit worried but I am sure I could master this real fast. '' If there's a will, there's a way. '' & ''Practice makes perfect'' Go Go Go! XD

Anyway I should really start to approach more people and make more friends :D

the start of my nightmares

Not to mention that I failed twice in my driving test.

First and second time I went to the center without mastering the right driving skill yet cause my instructor doesn't bother whether I fail a not. Best part is if I failed, I have to keep paying to retake so I am pretty sure my instructor was having fun collecting money.

When I failed my second test, I sat down the car and couldn't stop my tears from dropping. Pressure due to my elder brothers that managed to pass at the first time and I failed TWICE? I just couldn't imagine how are my parents going to react so I planned not to tell my family members especially my parents and my brothers.

Right after I reached home, I told my sister that I failed cause she was the only one that knew I was going for the test for the second time. My guilt made me paid for myself for the second time. Anyhow I didn't manage to pass too.

Surprisingly during dining time, my dad remembered that I had a driving test so he asked me in front of everyone. I was stunned because I only told him once which is like 2 weeks ago?? Then, I confessed that I failed again. No one really said much but I felt super embarrassed and went up stage straight away, hid myself in the room and cried as if everyone was putting the blame on me. but I knew deep in my heart that my dad was disappointed.

Well, I guess it was a good thing that I told since I don't have to hide from anyone anymore. One day, my friend's mum dropped by and asked why I failed so many times when my mum was also there. My mum acted as if she didn't know, she was very shocked?? after sending my friend off, she went in the house and asked me did I really failed twice and why didn't tell her.. She was eating with us that day but she thought It was a normal lesson and wondering why am I so sad and went up immediately.

There she goes. scolding, nagging and correcting me... I didn't want to tell cause Im scared this would happen. My 'dream' came true. Through her scoldings, she made me felt such a failure and said that :'' You think we are very rich? fail so many times. You don't know the value of money. Wait till you work in the future. '' I know it that's why I used my own money without telling them because I wanted to surprise them when I passed. I told her I was very nervous as I felt more tensed up each time failing then there she went on and on showing me that face. Overall I have to say that she really made me felt horrible.

That night itself I cried for hours till I was finally able to sleep. My eyes swore. I dreamt of my mum scolding me a few nights and woke up in tears. I calm myself by telling myself is okay to fail because I will pass one day.

Finally, my third driving test arrived. Sitting at the waiting shelter, I felt anxious again. The same place that I failed. At first, I was very very tensed up. Thinking how if I failed again?! Then I saw the JPJ failing drivers at the slope right after their cars moved backwards for 1mm. That's how I failed my second time for balancing the pedals 'well'. Before my third test, My dad really wanted to bribe them so I don't have to waste my time anymore but I didn't want too because it is so costly and I want to do it with my own ability since my friend able to. I am sure I could too. Seeing drivers going up the slope and failing one by one gave me a familiar feeling.

I have to say that thank to the corrupted JPJ system that passed 3 persons that dropped backwards so obvious yet he acted as if he didn't see. My confident gained back and thought :'' although I fail, I must fail with pride'' My anger overtook my nervous feeling. How can they do that?? This is just not right.

A girl who has the same instructor as me, she failed her road test. The JPJ tester told her that her reason of failing because her car wasn't left enough. The thing is this girl didn't even managed to drive out to the road and was forced to stop. getting 6 out of 20 marks. Is this how you guys earn money?? I know you guys want to earn fast money but this isn't the right way plus who told you guys that our parents are super rich? ''Terimalah padah pada masa depan''. Forcing everyone to BRIBE you guys. YOU MADE ME FELT THAT YOU GUYS ARE RETARDED!

Luckily that was my last time going back to the test center, I smiled non-stop knowing that I passed and told most of them about this good new!

After driving for a week, I just realized that my real nightmares just begin. Driving on a road meeting different kind of inconsiderate drivers kills my brain cells. Being able to drive on the road seems to be a cool thing but not when you are involved in car accidents.

Tell me WHY do you horn A new driver when she is trying hard and practicing on the road?? Can't you guys be more considerate? At times, I was forced to drive faster because the cars at the back are pressuring me indirectly with their speed.

Yesterday I almost met in a car accident thanks to an uncle! Anyway I am safe now and will be extra cautious next time....