the start of my nightmares

Not to mention that I failed twice in my driving test.

First and second time I went to the center without mastering the right driving skill yet cause my instructor doesn't bother whether I fail a not. Best part is if I failed, I have to keep paying to retake so I am pretty sure my instructor was having fun collecting money.

When I failed my second test, I sat down the car and couldn't stop my tears from dropping. Pressure due to my elder brothers that managed to pass at the first time and I failed TWICE? I just couldn't imagine how are my parents going to react so I planned not to tell my family members especially my parents and my brothers.

Right after I reached home, I told my sister that I failed cause she was the only one that knew I was going for the test for the second time. My guilt made me paid for myself for the second time. Anyhow I didn't manage to pass too.

Surprisingly during dining time, my dad remembered that I had a driving test so he asked me in front of everyone. I was stunned because I only told him once which is like 2 weeks ago?? Then, I confessed that I failed again. No one really said much but I felt super embarrassed and went up stage straight away, hid myself in the room and cried as if everyone was putting the blame on me. but I knew deep in my heart that my dad was disappointed.

Well, I guess it was a good thing that I told since I don't have to hide from anyone anymore. One day, my friend's mum dropped by and asked why I failed so many times when my mum was also there. My mum acted as if she didn't know, she was very shocked?? after sending my friend off, she went in the house and asked me did I really failed twice and why didn't tell her.. She was eating with us that day but she thought It was a normal lesson and wondering why am I so sad and went up immediately.

There she goes. scolding, nagging and correcting me... I didn't want to tell cause Im scared this would happen. My 'dream' came true. Through her scoldings, she made me felt such a failure and said that :'' You think we are very rich? fail so many times. You don't know the value of money. Wait till you work in the future. '' I know it that's why I used my own money without telling them because I wanted to surprise them when I passed. I told her I was very nervous as I felt more tensed up each time failing then there she went on and on showing me that face. Overall I have to say that she really made me felt horrible.

That night itself I cried for hours till I was finally able to sleep. My eyes swore. I dreamt of my mum scolding me a few nights and woke up in tears. I calm myself by telling myself is okay to fail because I will pass one day.

Finally, my third driving test arrived. Sitting at the waiting shelter, I felt anxious again. The same place that I failed. At first, I was very very tensed up. Thinking how if I failed again?! Then I saw the JPJ failing drivers at the slope right after their cars moved backwards for 1mm. That's how I failed my second time for balancing the pedals 'well'. Before my third test, My dad really wanted to bribe them so I don't have to waste my time anymore but I didn't want too because it is so costly and I want to do it with my own ability since my friend able to. I am sure I could too. Seeing drivers going up the slope and failing one by one gave me a familiar feeling.

I have to say that thank to the corrupted JPJ system that passed 3 persons that dropped backwards so obvious yet he acted as if he didn't see. My confident gained back and thought :'' although I fail, I must fail with pride'' My anger overtook my nervous feeling. How can they do that?? This is just not right.

A girl who has the same instructor as me, she failed her road test. The JPJ tester told her that her reason of failing because her car wasn't left enough. The thing is this girl didn't even managed to drive out to the road and was forced to stop. getting 6 out of 20 marks. Is this how you guys earn money?? I know you guys want to earn fast money but this isn't the right way plus who told you guys that our parents are super rich? ''Terimalah padah pada masa depan''. Forcing everyone to BRIBE you guys. YOU MADE ME FELT THAT YOU GUYS ARE RETARDED!

Luckily that was my last time going back to the test center, I smiled non-stop knowing that I passed and told most of them about this good new!

After driving for a week, I just realized that my real nightmares just begin. Driving on a road meeting different kind of inconsiderate drivers kills my brain cells. Being able to drive on the road seems to be a cool thing but not when you are involved in car accidents.

Tell me WHY do you horn A new driver when she is trying hard and practicing on the road?? Can't you guys be more considerate? At times, I was forced to drive faster because the cars at the back are pressuring me indirectly with their speed.

Yesterday I almost met in a car accident thanks to an uncle! Anyway I am safe now and will be extra cautious next time....